I am a Man
I am a man.
I lived in a fatherless generation.
I want to be Skyking, the Marlboro Man, Spider Man, James Bond.
Strong, independent, doing the impossible and popular.
The more I tried to be powerful, the more I felt powerless inside.
The image of being powerful became more important than actual being powerful.
I am a man. Men do not share their fears for that is a sign of weakness.
A true man hides his fears behind the mask of the smile.
A real man is always strong and confident.
I am a man. I tell people I walk by faith but in reality I walk by fear.
I cannot tell you my deepest fears, otherwise I would feel less of a man.
Sharing feelings is for the weak.
The mask becomes easier to wear and harder to take off.
The mask becomes who I am.
The fears become so deeply buried that I no longer know what they are.
Society is filled with men who live in fear.
I must learn to compete with them.
I must learn to beat them.
I am a man. When I explode in anger, I always have a good reason for that.
I need to win the argument. Men can’t lose.
I have close friends but in reality we are not really close.
I know a lot of people but in reality we really don’t know each other.
I am a man but I feel lost.
If I strip away this manhood that I have created, I will be lost.
I am afraid of being vulnerable, I rather hide.
Keep moving, staying busy and talking is part of my hiding.
Knowing God involves intimacy. But intimacy is foreign for a man.
God will always be distant, for I am a man.
I hate to ask for help. Asking for help means I am longer in control.
I hate to admit when I am lost. Thank goodness for smart phones.
I desire relationships but when I touch you, you only feel the projective gloves that I wear.
These protective layers prevent me from being touched and touching others.
I am a real and true man but I no longer feel real or true any more.
I am a man, but I have become a man that cannot love.