I have been sensing the Lord giving me more insight into my past.  Recently, I attended Dean Fujishima's Healing Conference in Cerritos and I received another insight that I felt God wanted me to share.  My husband, Danny and I were sitting in the third row and I had left my bag to mark our spot when we went out for lunch.

When we returned, I noticed someone left a pair of shoes in our row.  I thought to myself "how odd."  Then, later I noticed that there was a bag of stuff someone had moved on the seats next to us.  All the time I am noticing these things, the worship team is singing.  So you can imagine, I am not really in a worshipful mode as I am trying to figure out what has happened.  I begin to surmise that someone has decided to take our seats and I am thinking, "why should I move - these were our seats to begin with."  However, Danny also noticed the same thing and being more gracious than me and he says we need to move in order for these people to sit down.  In my spirit, I believe this to be true, however, my whole person does not agree and I refused to move initially.  After awhile, it was obvious that this couple was not going to give up the seats and we did move to the back of the room.

It was not over for me, however, I still felt "robbed" in a sense but also I felt "rejected" by God and I asked Him, "why did I have to move, Lord, but also what is it that is still burning inside me that I can't let it go?"  I refused to sit down with Danny and instead I stood off to the side in the back.   Then, all of a sudden, it comes to me.  Many years ago, someone had prophesied a word to me that speaks to me right at this moment.  As I am trying to hear Dean, a "pole" is in the way so I am looking around the pole in order to see him.  The prophetic word to me is that I am a little girl, "peeking around the curtain."  All my life, I have been like a little girl who is looking to be included but I always feeling like the "outsider looking in."  It hits me why I react that way many times in the past, because I am reminded by the circumstances that I am an "outsider and I do not "belong," I am always the girl on the outside looking in.

Then the Holy Spirit then spoke to me about going to see my friend who had been in the process of becoming foster parents to a little baby that had been born to a single unwed mom who didn't know who the father was.  I was supposed to go and visit the baby and then God would tell me what to do.When I saw the baby, I realized I was supposed to pray over the child and into his young life the things that I felt I carried since birth.  I had experienced rejection and feeling of insecurity over my birth because I was born "early" and I had to be cared for by others because my mom was in the hospital for some medical problems.  For various reasons, I did not bond with my caregiver.  Growing up, whenever I attended family gatherings, I always felt like an outsider and never felt like I was accepted or fit in.  All of these things ran through my mind prior to seeing this baby.

God game me an emotional release from my own feelings of rejection and condemnation by praying freedom and release into this little baby who was born into difficult circumstances.  I prayed that although he didn't know who his birth father was that he would know how much His heavenly Father loved and cared for him.  The Father loved him so much that He provided him with my friends who had agreed to stand in as his earthly parents.  I was finally able to forgive and release my own circumstances because of seeing, holding and praying for this little one and realizing much more deeply how much the Lord loves us when we come into this world.  He truly wants us to live in His freedom and His love.